Yayoi Kusama
Dear Goddess: I pray for the courage to walk naked at any age. To wear red and purple, to be unladylike, inappropriate, scandalous and incorrect to the very end.
Women grow radical with age. One day an army of gray-haired women may quietly take over the earth.
Gloria Steinam
***
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
“I’ve got transgender people. I’ve got gays. I’ve got lesbians. I’ve got drunks. I’ve got drug addicts — all within my own family. I know and love them all, and I do not judge,”
Dolly Parton
***
It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
we have come to our real work
and when we no longer know which way to go,
we have begun our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.
Wendell Berry, Standing by Words
How can I not think of death when all these good people have died? And so many more.
***
I wrote this a few weeks ago and so much has stolen my attention since. I am still obsessed with death. This morning I met again with Virginie to write. And I began, "Breathe. You could die at any moment. Often, when I lay down to sleep, I wonder if I will wake. Virginie, thirty years younger thinks this too and I remember in my twenties that I never thought that I would become an old woman. And yet, here I am."
What do I do? Manage my day-to-day and organize my travels. I read a lot and write a little. I found this poem recently by Linda Pastan.
What Does Poetry Save You From
From the pale silence
of morning and the din
of afternoon.
From the flight into darkness
of those I continue
to love.
From my inarticulate body
and the syllables
that clog my mouth.
From having to say
"nothing" when a stranger
asks what I do.
From my worst sins.
From the failure
of any other absolution.
***
Every Wednesday evening, I am part of a writing circle and although I love my solitude, I love being part of this group. I love listening to Marlene read poetry and prose, and other women read; but last night, I was overwhelmed. (Too little sleep the night before and evenings are not my best time.) I am embarrassed by my being. I want unembarrassed freedom to move, to not measure my words, to sing (although I cannot carry a tune).
I am a snail. I move slowly. I compose slowly.
***
I liked these words by Jodie Foster: Sometimes solitude is not loneliness. Sometimes it is recovery. Sometimes it is where you finally hear your own thoughts after spending too much time listening to everyone else's opinions. It is where you rediscover what makes you happy, what you believe, what you want, and what you will no longer tolerate.